Father loses wife to postnatal depression – he promises to fight for “mothers everywhere.”

For Steven D’Achille and his wife Alexis, life was a fairy tale. The two met at a mutual friend’s birthday party in 2011 and hit it off immediately.

“We had a lot in common. We all liked the same things, we thought the same way. It was just really easy and natural,” Steven said Newsweek.

In the early stages, the pair had to hold out over long distances. Steven was in Pittsburgh while Alexis lived in New Jersey with her parents. But after a few trips back and forth, Alexis gave him an ultimatum.

“She said: ‘What’s wrong with you, are you an idiot?’. She gave me this list of all the amazing qualities she had and what she brought to the table, and she said, ‘You can never do better than me.’ “In the back of my mind I’m thinking, ‘She’s right, I can never be better than her,'” Steven recalls.

After they made it official, Steven moved to New Jersey and proposed to the then 28-year-old. After deciding that living out of state wasn’t for them, the couple moved back to Steven’s hometown and began a life together.

They had a rich social life with lots of friends, but they grew out of dressing up and going to clubs. Aware of this change in their lives, the couple decided that they were ready to start a family.

“Right now we look terrible because we just declined all our invitations. If we had a child, we could at least say they’re having the child, you know, we have to stay home,” Steven joked.

Alexis became pregnant faster than expected in November 2012 and Steven told her Newsweek that her pregnancy went smoothly. It was an exciting time for the couple as we met family and friends at various baby showers organized for Alexis.

Steven explained that his wife has never had issues with poor mental health. “She was the voice of reason; the girl that I, my friends and my family trusted. You would take your problems to her because she would have the right answer,” he said.

Alexis gave birth to her daughter Adriana in August 2013, but what happened in the delivery room would impact them both for weeks.

After being in labor for some time, Alexis finally felt the urge to push. Steven remembered that the doctor caring for her had told Alexis that the baby wouldn’t come for another two hours and that they had to deliver a high-risk pregnancy before Alexis.

Alexis told Steven that she couldn’t wait and that at that moment she felt like she had to push. “We both screamed loudly, but no one is coming,” Steven said.

Suddenly, Alexis was classified as a Code Blue delivery – where either the mother’s or the baby’s life is in danger. Unbeknownst to the doctors, the umbilical cord was wrapped around Adriana’s neck and she wasn’t breathing when it came out.

After an agonizing wait, Adriana began to cry, which brought relief to the new parents.

“When I looked at my wife in bed, she was very afraid of what had just happened. Her eyes were completely glassy and it was like something had changed in that moment and she would never be the same again,” Steven said.

Since Adriana’s birth, Alexis has found it impossible to make decisions. First she wondered if she had chosen the best name for her daughter, and then the design of the nursery at home or whether they had the right car seat.

“She doubted herself and her ability to care for our daughter and this downward spiral began,” Steven said.

“She completely disassociated herself from Adriana and then she slowly disassociated herself from everything she loved and cared about, including our puppy – who was our world before Adriana,” he said Newsweek.

Steven explained how Alexis thought she couldn’t do anything right, when in reality her dream was to become a mother. “She truly believed that her first role as a mother was damaging to our daughter,” he added.

Two weeks after Adriana was born, Steven and Alexis went to the doctor about Alexis’ anxiety. She was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder due to the traumatic birth and was prescribed Zurzuvae – the only oral medication approved for postpartum depression.

Alexis was hesitant to take the prescribed medication, even though Steven and her family had assured her that she needed it to feel better. Over time, doctors gave Alexis coping strategies to calm her fears, such as counting backwards from 100 to zero or distracting her thoughts from the cause.

Steven only realized how bad things really were when they were in the car on the way back from an appointment and Alexis suggested finding adoptive parents for Adriana. “I knew then that it was much more serious than I could have ever imagined. She was just a shell of the person I knew and loved,” he added.

Although Alexis started taking her medication, Steven said Newsweek that her mental health was deteriorating. The couple visited seven different hospitals and “every crisis center that could treat us.” It got to the point where Alexis couldn’t be left alone anymore.

After months of seeing various doctors and psychiatrists, Steven was at a loss, although he told them that Alexis was threatening to harm herself. Steven remembered saying, “Women like her would never commit suicide that way. Women like her would never want anyone to remember that they weren’t very good looking.”

“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe him. In fact, I was married to the only woman like her,” Steven said.

Alexis took her own life in October 2013, just six weeks after giving birth to Adriana. Steven tried to resuscitate her and doctors told him there was “no way” she would make it.

In the weeks following her death, Steven decided to make it his mission to prevent something like this from happening again and was determined to leave Adriana a legacy that she could carry on in her mother’s name.

The Joy Alexis Foundation helps women and families suffering from and affected by perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. As president of the foundation, Steven’s goal is to reduce the number of suicides by women who are pregnant or up to a year after giving birth in the United States

Adriana, now 11, is his biggest goal. “I want to have access to maternal care everywhere,” he said.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, texting “988” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or going to 988lifeline.org.