I ask Eric: I excluded my creepy friend from a debate party

Dear Eric: I frequently host gatherings at my home, most recently debate parties. Close friends get together, drink cocktails and eat snacks. This time I opted for a cozy atmosphere and hosted a debate-watching pajama party. I just invited ladies.

Then a guy I love very much asked if he could come. All the girls said they were okay with it because he was a sweetheart and unlikely to be horny and inappropriate with ladies in pajamas.

Then I got a text from another friend asking if I would do anything for the debate and I said no. Although I love him like a cousin, he can be a bit creepy, like he’ll make sexual comments out of the blue and for no reason.

Now I feel guilty because I lied. Am I a terrible person?

– Debate guest list

Dear Debater: I don’t need a Quinnipiac poll to tell you you’re not terrible. You have the right to compile a guest list at your own discretion. This particularly applies to people who cause you or your guests discomfort through inappropriate behavior. And you didn’t owe your friend the truth if you didn’t feel ready to have a long conversation about it.

That means, as is ideally the case with any candidate running for office, you can hold your friend accountable. If you don’t like the comments he makes, you can take note. Hopefully he will understand and change. It’s healthy for your friendship and good for the group. Furthermore, his reaction will reflect his true character.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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