P’Nut the Squirrel Killer shows that with New York even cute animals aren’t safe in New York

Give a gift to P’Nut the Squirrel, the viral star banned by New York’s Department of Environmental Conservation.

It turns out the furry guy had friends in high places. According to Vice President JD Vance, former President Donald Trump was “enraged” by the murder and called the victim “the Elon Musk of squirrels.”

We’re glad Trump knows how to stand up for the little guy, even if the little guy in question was a foot tall, covered in fur, and had a bushy tail.

Upstate couple Mark and Daniela Longo rescued him as a baby squirrel after his mother died; After he refused to return to the wild, they took him in and eventually moved to a 350-acre property near Elmira.

His stunts on video led him to viral fame (which the Longos used to promote their OnlyFans page, but that takes a village, right?).

Then?

Some bluenoses called the DEC about rabies concerns; Our green desk jockeys sent 10 agents – 10! For a squirrel! – conducting an hour-long raid that ended with his seizure and euthanasia (officially for testing for rabies after the justifiably frightened squirrel bit a member of the Arboreal Rodent SWAT team).

How is The Option #1 when faced with an outlaw who can fit in a shoebox?

Imagine the person who dropped that penny: an American with a lawn sign and chunky librarian glasses who hosts a weekly Cards Against Humanity night.

The murder generated great political energy. Rep. Jake Blumencranz wants a law that would require a three-day waiting period before such euthanasia can take place.

Message to whoever emerges victorious today: This. Is. A gift.

Enact the Adorable Squirrel Protection Act immediately.

Meanwhile, P’Nut’s fans will continue to mourn.

And even though we didn’t know the poor guy, we did Do They know that everything in New York is completely upside down and not even fluffy forest creatures are safe.